Thursday will be my next big day.  I'm having gloomy pre-treatment feelings lately.  It took some time to identify why I was feeling blue, but then I connected the dots and came up with the reason.  I'm sad that I have to go through chemo again on Thursday and feel all of the yucky feelings that go with it...hence the blues.  It's nice to know why I'm sad, but I wish I felt happier on these last few days of feeling good. 

On the bright side...I finish treatments in October so that's just a few months away.  It feels like an eternity until then, but I'm trying to be optimistic that it's a short time from now.  In October we'll do more testing to see if the cancer is gone and if it's gone I'll be in REMISSION!!!  Isn't that awesome and isn't remission the best word ever?  In the dictionary it says remission is: a state or period during which something is remitted, and remitted means: to abate symptoms (as of a disease) for a period, and abate means:  to put an end to. There are other meanings but I like the "put an end to" definition the best.  So I'm looking forward to REMISSION: A STATE OR PERIOD IN WHICH SYMPTOMS OF A DISEASE ARE PUT AN END TO.  That's my definition for it so far.

My oncologist hasn't been testing me to see if the chemo is working.  I guess this is the standard procedure: to put a plan in place, follow the plan, and then assess whether it worked or not when the plan is finished.  It's hard for me, as a teacher, to accept that I'm not going to be assessed on every visit.  I think it comes from assessing my students so much.  I wish I knew whether or not this chemo is working.  I hope it is.  I have these sad dreams/nightmares of finding out that it's spread and that I'll have breast cancer next.  I hope it hasn't spread and I hope I don't have breast cancer.  I'll just look forward to November and try to think positive and happy thoughts until then that I'm going to be okay.

I'm relying on my faith to get me through all of this.  I still feel Heavenly Father is watching over me, and I still feel good about everything.  I am hoping for remission in October or November.  That's all I want this year for Christmas, my early Christmas gift.  :)

Yesterday I went to Costco, without a hat, and a man followed me to my car to tell me about his mom who is a 15 year survivor of breast cancer and he wished me good luck and implied that he was impressed that I was brave enough to walk around with my bald head showing.  It made my day to have a complete stranger wish me luck.  It could have been very creepy, but it wasn't.  Thank goodness for random acts of kindness. 

Incidentally I'm going everywhere with my bald hairdo now.  It's much cooler than wearing a wig or a hat and I figure that I can be brave and show my support for cancer in this small way.  Maybe it'll help someone to feel better about going bald themselves.  Ha! Ha!  I'll start a movement in the country.  Ha!  Ha!  :)  My point is that it's okay to be bald.  Some of the best people are bald...babies, Mr. Clean, some of my relatives, etc...  I need to come up with a list of bald people.  I just hope I don't have to renew my drivers license while I'm bald.  That would be TOO much!