My fifth treatment has ended and I have ONE left!  Yay!  I won't know for certain that it's my LAST one until my lab work comes back proving that I'm done, but until I know for sure I'm going to try to be hopeful and optimistic that it IS the last one.  I really, really hope it is.

This latest chemo experience was really hard.  I felt very sick and comparatively speaking I think it may have been my worst experience so far with feeling sick and stuff like that.  It's hard to compare awful to awful, but it was really tough.  I felt really sick and nauseated!!!!!  Blech!  I can definitely feel a change in my body as it fights each round.  My body feels like it's saying that it has had enough and that it can't take much more of this.  I know I'll do whatever is needed and find courage and strength as I need to, especially if I have to continue, but I definitely feel like my body needs a break.  My body has had enough!

During treatment I met two newbies who were there for their first time.  One was almost completely blind and she was very scared and I was able to sit by her side and visit with her.  She seemed to calm down as we talked.  I imagine this must be extra hard for her....not being able to see what's happening.   

The other newbie was a woman from BC who has recently moved from Nevada.  She has just retired from her job and is facing some difficult challenges.  She has advanced stages of cancer in her tongue, throat, neck, lymph nodes, etc...  She talked about her choices and how she could have surgery and lose her voice completely and have a hole where her jaw and neck is, or take a chance that her rapidly growing cancer would respond to chemo and radiation and skip or postpone the surgery.  It's more technical than that, but it gives you an idea of how hard her choices are right now.

It was sad hearing their stories.  I'm sure you can imagine the sadness in their voices as they talked of being afraid, alone, and the sadness of their not being able to live our their life's dreams.  One of the women talked about her son and how they weren't talking.  As they talked I couldn't really help either of these women.  What do you say in a situation like that?  The only thing I thought of was to just listen.  I guess that's all they really needed anyways....someone to listen to them and care about what they are going through. 

I've thought a lot about these women since then.  They've reminded me that it's a good idea to do whatever I can to keep family relationships strong and intact.  The words, "I'm sorry." and "I love you." can never be used enough.  It would be hard to endure what I'm going through without my family.  I always feel like you are there for me...rain or shine.  I think it would be very hard if I didn't have your support and love. 

Another thought I'm contemplating is the idea of living each day to its fullest.  That sounds sappy, but what I mean to say is to live each day to the fullest and not waiting for dreams to happen at some far off date.  I haven't decided how I'm going to apply that to my life exactly, but I need to give it some thought.  I don't want to look back on my life with regrets of what I should have done....wishing my dreams would have come true.

I'm getting to know a lot of people during my treatments.  It's sad when I don't see a familiar face anymore.  I noticed this time that a funny old man was missing.  I REALLY missed him on Thursday!  I asked the nurse about him and she said he was DONE and that he didn't have to have treatments anymore...meaning the treatments had worked and he had graduated!!  Yay!  Isn't that great?  It's good to hear of the successes isn't it?  I'm glad he's doing well.  I send all my best wishes to him and I'm really going to miss his spunky ways and funny comments.  Thank goodness for people like him!!!  I'm going to be pretty excited when it's my turn to be done too.  I don't know how I'm going to celebrate, but I'm sure that I'll cry and say a prayer of thanks to Heavenly Father when it does happen.

So many good things have happened with each treatment.  I hope the sad stories don't outweigh the good ones.  It's the good moments that make each treatment bearable.  One of the bright spots in my day happens when I get home from treatment.  When I came home from treatment this time, I had TWO lovely gifts on my doorstep.  Can you believe there were two?  I'm so blessed!  One was from my good fairy Kamryn of course! :)  My family and friends now mention her by name...because she's so infamous and synonymous with the caring things she's done for me during my journey.  She brought me an angel of hope statue with a sweet card.  She and her mother are reminding me that I need to keep HOPING!!  I really need that reminder actually.  I was feeling rather horrible and it's nice to be reminded that I'm not supposed to give up or feel sad.  I need to have HOPE that that things will work out and I thank you both for the reminder.

In addition to Kamryn's lovely gift, there was a HUGE card....shaped like a heart with the words, "We Love You Miss Davis" written on it and all of my current students signed their names to it.  Isn't that sweet?  My mom hung it next to my bed and as I laid there, I looked at it and it gave me courage and determination to hang in there.  Thank you to whoever initiated such a thoughtful idea.  It really helped!  All of the kind things people have done have helped.

The day before my treatment a special visitor came to my house too.  My former student Ethan and his caring mother Hayley came by to visit.  They wanted me to know that they were thinking of me and it sure made me feel good.  I was so touched that they would take time out of their busy lives to come and see me.  What sweet people!  They brought me a fun gift too...gifts to help with the nausea.  Thanks you two!  The Sprite really helped.  On a side note, I got a real kick out of Ethan's surprised face as he reacted to my bald head.  He was gracious and sweet, but I could tell I really surprised him.  :)   

And the blessings continue!  My nephew Tysen and his sweet and spunky wife Amber came to visit me on Thursday too.  They came while I was feeling pretty sick and they couldn't have been more loving.  They took time out of their busy college lives to visit me and it sure was fun seeing them.  Amber sat at my feet and talked to me about their future plans and said some really sweet things that I hope I never forget.  I count myself lucky that my nephew married someone I love too.  It's a little easier to let him grow up when I get to have a new and very sweet niece in my life as a result.  I love you two!!!   

Well, I'm exhausted and I need to go lay down.  I'm not completely better so naps are a must.  Adios amigos.  I hope that you are happy and well!